Children always want parents to 'get back together' (07/09/07)

I finally got to see my brother Michael's children after more than a year of absence. It seems that their mother had taken the kids and traipsed off to Arkansas to live with some guy she met on the internet. A guy that someone once said looks a lot like the unibomber. I've never met the man so I have no idea if this is true or not.

The divorce is now final and the smoke has mostly settled. The kids are up here for the summer. I went for a visit last week and was surprised by how much they had grown. Another couple of years and they will be taller than I am.

I took the little girl, Katie, to get the birthday present I didn't mail last fall. She chattered the entire time we were together. I had forgotten how much little girls can talk! I was surprised by how much she had matured in a year and saddened when she told me that she wanted her mommy and daddy to get along and get back together.

I think that is a hope that many children of divorced parents have. Children know that their parents love them and are supposed to love each other. They don't understand that sometimes it is better for all involved if a couple stays apart.

She said she didn't like Arkansas because it wasn't "home." I know how she feels. Home is the place where you feel safe. It is a place where you belong. It is a place where the sights, smells, food and customs are familiar.

It is not a place where little girls are teased because they are fat, even though she isn't very pudgy at all. It is not a place where there are no friends to stick up for you. It is not a place where there is no one you can talk to about your former life.

All little girls need friends to giggle with, to tell secrets to and to talk things out with. Katie has yet to find that special someone in her new home. Sometimes it's hard being an outsider. She is still young enough that there is plenty of time for her to find a new best buddy.

One of my own best friends from when I was Katie's age called me up the other day. She talked for well over an hour. I hadn't talked to her for almost 30 years. She promised to come up for a visit. I hope she does. It's been a really long time.

I thought of that phone call while Katie was prattling on and on. I wonder if we move around so much these days that children don't have time to develop long-term friendships like we did or if that is just a misconception on my part.

The comment about wanting her parents to get back together was sandwiched between telling me how much she liked swimming and that Brats were her favorite dolls. When we got to the store the first thing she put in the cart was a Brats doll. Those have to be some of the ugliest dolls ever created but if that is what she wanted than that is what she would get. The rest of her present took longer. She settled on one other thing then asked how much money she had left. I told her $3.00. After circling the toy aisles several times she finally settled on some Play-Doh.

She talked the entire time we were shopping and all the way back home. Her comments about Arkansas flowed into her chatter about missing her daddy. She was looking forward to being in third grade this year and learning new things. Her mind bounced from one topic to another faster than anything I've ever heard before.

My mind dwelled on her feelings of not belonging, of being too fat, of not wanting her parents to be apart. There was no way I could tell her that things will get better. No way to persuade her that her parents were better off divorced. No way to let her know that it really is possible for her to make a new friend who will call her after a 30-year absence just to talk and reconnect.

Instead I bought her toys of her choosing, tousled her hair and let her go.[[In-content Ad]]