Death of Abbot Monitor takes its toll on Costello (08/28/06)

Last week my computer monitor at work, Costello, was very sad. Its best friend, Abbot Monitor, died after several months of an incurable illness that caused it to flash randomly and take breaks at inopportune times. On its last day of life it crackled ominously for several hours before giving a last gasp and closing its eyes forever. It was never to be revived again despite many heroic efforts. The viewing is private although I can tell you that it is presently lying in state under a table with it's cords drooping forlornly over its blank screen. The table protects it from the sacrilege of dust coating its plastic corpse. After the required period of mourning it will be regulated to that great monitor graveyard in a secret location. I think it is in the same vicinity as the secret elephant graveyards but I don't know this for sure.

Abbot Monitor's widow, Computer, and their children, Scanner, Zip drive and little Mousie are so grief-stricken that they are incapable of functioning without him. Costello Monitor has been traveling the long distance across the office every morning to help out his best friend's family. He takes the Dave bus as it is much quicker and safer than the Diana bus.

All this traveling is taking a toll on Costello Monitor. He was forced to take several time-outs to catch his breath this morning. He seems to have lost much of his energy along with his best friend as he doesn't respond as quickly as he once did. He is seriously considering trying some of those products that keep popping up on his e-mail in order to get him some of his old stamina back although he is puzzled as to why he would want an extra four inches of cord. Costello doesn't much like having strange fingers caressing his keys and he absolutely hates having his cords plugged and unplugged every morning but he figures it is the least he can do for his long-time best friend. He much prefers the view from his usual desk and secretly wishes for the day when he will be allowed to stay home with his beloved wife, the Other Computer, and their many children.

Thursday a new, sleek Flat-Screen arrived on the scene. He was hi-tech, ebony black and oozed confidence. He jauntily perched on Abbot's old desk, ready and willing to show everybody what he could do. Unfortunately, Abbot's widow was not ready to receive the newcomer and refused to talk to him. Flat-Screen tried to cajole her into letting him take over Abbot's old job but the new widow thwarted every attempt. He currently sits forlornly atop the table that guards the late, lamented Abbot Monitor. I am sure he is scheming and plotting exactly how he is going to weasel into his new job.

A grief counselor has been called in to try to get the Widow and the Flat-Screen to talk to each other. I am hoping it is a one-shot deal and things will be back to normal soon. Work goes much more quickly and smoothly when the inanimate objects behave.

However, with the present technology the way it is, I doubt if there will ever be a time when all the inanimate objects in any given building all work properly at the same time. I suppose this could be viewed as a good thing as it allows maintenance people and techs to earn a living,

This happens at home as well as at work. If the oven works then the washer leaks. If the toaster decides not to burn the toast for once then the television develops an irritating hum. Most of the time they take turns breaking down but occasionally they all gang up and go on strike at the same time. And heaven forbid that the power goes out. Whenever that happens the electronics blink their green lights in an accusing manner. You can almost hear them going, "Nyah, nyah, nyah."

I suppose it is our own fault. We seem to prefer built-in obsolescence instead of creating things that last. We are seduced by new and improved anything. Old and reliable is a term we reserve for things that are so out-of-date that they are only loved by antique collectors. All the same, I hope all the computer problems resolve themselves overnight and we can get back to the way things were.[[In-content Ad]]