Door isn't greener with new can of paint

I give up. I have been trying to paint our front door for over a month. We easily agreed on a color. That should have been my first clue that this was not to be. I went to the store and bought a can of what was labeled “Hunter Green.”

I taped off the surrounding area and settled in to change the hue of the door. Two little girls across the street provided perfect painting music - 15,000 repetitions of “Jesus Loves Me.” I don’t recall some of the lyrics I heard as being part of that song, but at least they were enthusiastic.

The first coat of paint went on bright grass green. I checked the can and sure enough the sample color on the can was a nice muted shade. I figured it just needed a second layer. By the time the next coat of paint was dry it looked like Kermit the Frog had died and been reincarnated as our door, only brighter.

The next weekend I tried again. I made sure the color looked perfect in the store. I opened the container, the paint appeared green. I dipped in the brush. Still green. But when I applied it to the door it turned a soft bluish gray! This time I only painted one panel and not the entire entrance. Still gray. Neither allowing time for it to dry completely nor a second coat persuaded the paint to turn green.

The next weekend I was determined not to repeat the same mistake. Again the paint looked green in the store. I had them darken it just a little. By the end of the day I had a bright green door with one bluish gray panel and one black panel. Whatever happened to the third time being a charm?

I thought I had learned from my experience by having the paint store apply some paint on a stir stick and I took it outside to check the color. It was perfect. Perhaps it was the lighting inside the store that was making the color look so much different after it adhered to the door.

That didn’t work either. Still another section of the door was a different color. Maybe if I mixed a couple of the colors together? That looked even worse. I am rapidly running out of parts on the door. The checkerboard effect it has now looks even worse than the golden palomino shade that it was originally.

The neighbors get a kick out of watching this exercise in futility. Sometimes I feel like I should charge for the entertainment I provide. Instead, I will sit back and watch when they decide to paint their own houses.

When I related all this to my daughter she wondered how soon it would be before I called to tell her that our front door now has a big white daisy painted on it to match the one on the laundry room wall. She has seen first-hand what happens when I get fed up. Whimsy wins over function and talent becomes totally irrelevant.

Frustration makes me do strange things. Last year I got tired of waiting for the laundry room to be finished so I painted the two walls that were covered with bare drywall a nice mottled burgundy. Then I stuck a big white daisy right in the middle. If I had the least little bit of artistic ability it wouldn’t look so bad. As it is, I like it. I don’t intend to do it in more conventional color until we actually finish the room or sell the house.

Wait a minute … burgundy … what if I painted the front door burgundy? That can’t possibly be as cantankerous a color as hunter green. Burgundy is a popular shade right now. That should be an easy hue to come up with. I think I’ll go right out after work and buy a quart.

What is that laughing I hear?[[In-content Ad]]