Follow the detour signs when traveling (07/24/06)

It only took me three hours to get to Muncie last Saturday. Well, maybe it was a little less than that since I did stop at the post office in town first.

I am a creature of habit. Every Saturday my mother calls at 9:00 a.m. sharp. We talk for 15 minutes then I get ready to do my weekly shopping. I take 67 to Muncie, never veering off into the countryside. I buy whatever we need then arrive back home in the middle of the afternoon. As most of you know, 67 is closed somewhere between here and there. Therefore, I can't get there from here.

One of my co-workers (I won't mention Maralene's name) told me not to follow the marked detour and take 200 to Highway 1 instead. So I did. I never did see where to turn back to anything I recognized and ended up in Farmland. Gas was a dime cheaper than in Portland and I thought that I better stop and ask directions or I would soon be wandering around in Kentucky or maybe even South America.

The helpful person behind the counter at the gas station said turn right and I would run directly into Muncie. She was wrong. I turned right, found Parker City and then the Muncie bypass. By this time my driving arm was several shades of red darker than my other arm. I threw a towel over it and kept going. I was beginning to feel like the Energizer bunny by this point … going and going and going. Then I saw a sign - McGalliard. OK. I know where McGalliard is. It goes right by the mall.

Hope welled up so I turned. And drove. There were farms and more farms. The road got narrower. The farms were getting farther and farther apart. The trees were getting closer and closer together. No mall was in sight. No people were out and about on such a hot day. So I finally turned around. I passed those same farms. The road widened just a little. Then I saw another sign. Centennial. That is the street just past the plant store I like. The gods were smiling on me.

I drove. And drove. And drove. The farms were getting farther and farther apart. The trees were closing in. The gods were giggling by this point. The road I was on dead-ended into another road with a name I didn't recognize. I sat at the stop sign and wondered, "Right or left? Right or left?" I had no idea. The gods were silent. I turned on my right turn signal. Then I looked in my rearview mirror and saw an enormous gray truck looming over me.

Conceding defeat, I turned on my blinkers, got out of the car and knocked on the truck window. Inside was an angel disguised as a middle-aged man and his daughter. I told them that I was lost and asked how to get to Muncie. The man said to turn left and he would then pass me and to follow him until he turned again. The mall would be in front of me at that time. Three minutes later I was at the mall. Yeah, I said three minutes.

I thanked God for sending me an angel and asked him to shower blessings on the man and his daughter.

On the way home I took 67 to the barricades then saw a gray truck turn left. It was a smaller, darker gray than the first one. Figuring gray trucks were angels' preferred mode of transportation on a hot day, I followed it. It disappeared when I saw the big green Taxidermy sign just outside of Redkey. In Redkey there were actual detour signs for me to follow. There weren't any gray trucks in sight. I arrived home in the usual 45 minutes.

So If you want to get to Muncie from Portland, just find a gray truck to follow. Otherwise, don't take directions from well-meaning co-workers and don't follow me unless you want a long, extended tour of the Indiana countryside. You might want to take plenty of water and make sure your gas tank is filled anyway. Just in case …

As for me, I plan to check out the new Wal-Mart and stay in town this weekend.[[In-content Ad]]