Grandma doesn't need to know about snakes (07/30/07)

There are things you should never, ever tell your mother.

For instance, you should never call your mother long distance and tell her that there was a snake in the hen house while Carm and Emma were putting the guinea hens up for the night. Carm is my daughter's mother-in-law and Emma is my only grandchild.

I like Carm, I really do. I think she is a wonderful woman, a perfect grandmother and if we lived closer we could be friends.

But snakes? I don't even want to know they exist, let alone find out they are in close proximity to Emma. As long as snakes stay out of my sight they can live their little snaky lives with no interference from me. I do not want them to be within 10 miles of anyone I love; especially anyone who is 20 months old.

Children that age are fearless. Emma is usually surrounded by pets that let her do anything she wants to them. I'm afraid she would pick up a snake and sling it around her neck. The snake would then be so surprised at being turned into a necklace that it might bite her in an attempt to escape her tiny clutches.

I don't know if this was a harmless creature or one of the 15 varieties of poisonous snakes that live in Texas. It is more likely that it was one of the 85 different species of non-poisonous snakes that inhabit that state but they are all creepy. I do know that one of the dogs prevented this particular snake from going anywhere near the guinea hens again.

I could have lived without this knowledge. Now I have an overwhelming urge to fly to Texas, scoop up my granddaughter and fly her home to safety. Nevermind that she is as safe with Carm as she is with anybody else. Besides, snakes are everywhere, not just in Texas. Oops, I forgot about Ireland. There aren't any snakes in Ireland. Maybe we should move there.

Snakes are somewhat beneficial. They keep the rat and mouse population down to a manageable level which in turn, lowers the rate of the many diseases associated with the lowly rodents. They also eat other destructive beings such as insects and each other. Apparently guinea hen eggs are a special treat. Supposedly the non-poisonous ones keep the poisonous ones away. They are occasionally unconventional pets for some people who swear that they are really very nice companions.

It doesn't matter how beneficial they are. I prefer they stay as far away from me and my loved ones as possible. Any pet that I share my home with needs to have fur, feathers or live underwater.

When I was little we would often go down to the creek. At the far crossing there were always snakes for Lassie to catch and shake until they met their demise. We wouldn't even think of going to that area of the creek unless the dog was with us.

I'll never forget the time we were down by the creek and my brother, Michael, picked up a mud-covered pop can. My other brother cracked up laughing as Michael shoved the pop can in my face and said, "Look, Sissy. Look what I found!" as a snake no bigger than an earthworm poked its head out the top of the can.

And yes, I yelled.

For all I know Emma may grow up to be a herpetologist and surround herself with the tubular creatures. This would mean that I would never be able to visit her at work but I'll be old and probably decrepit by then anyway so maybe I'll forget my dislike of the slithery, scaly things.

If my daughter had just kept her snake story to herself I wouldn't be concerned about snakes in a hen house that is halfway across the country. There is much to be said for blissful ignorance. I am grateful that Carm and her husband keep several big dogs around to dispatch unwanted varmints and such. I had hoped that the presence of the dogs would discourage snakes from hanging around but apparently that isn't how it works.

Children face many dangers and potential dangers on their journey through childhood. Sometimes it is better not to know the latest news because it causes more worry than is justified. So if there are snakes in the hen house I don't want to know as long as Emma is safe.[[In-content Ad]]