Grandparents a safe haven (3/29/04)

According to a story I read recently on the CNN web site, five of our planets will be “arrayed across the evening sky in a spectacular night show that won’t be back for another three decades.” Mercury, Venus, Mars, Jupiter and Saturn should be easily visible after sunset somewhere above the western horizon for the next week or so.

Just because they are supposed to be easy to see doesn’t mean that most of us will actually see them. We don’t tend to look up at the night sky as much as people used to. I couldn’t tell you if the lights in the dark are the same stars that I’ve seen before or an unusual night show. Also since we live in town, the lights of civilization tend to overshadow the reflections of most of the worlds that light up the universe.

If I had been able to see well when I was a child I would probably know the names of all the constellations and therefore could tell you if I was seeing stars that I had viewed on previous nights or planets that are in alignment. As it is, the only celestial entity I can identify with certainty is the moon.

My grandfather used to take me out in the evenings and point out the North Star, the Big and Little Dippers, Orion’s Belt and a host of other fancifully named groupings. The lights all blurred together, and the fainter stars blended into the background. Most of the time I had no idea what he was pointing at.

It doesn’t really matter that today I can’t even pick out the North Star. What matters are the fond memories I have of being outside on peaceful summer evenings listening to him tell me about worlds far beyond our own.

We used to sit on the porch swing and listen to the crickets sing as he put names to the twinkling lights. Sometimes we would collect giant nightcrawlers for one of his many fishing trips to Lake Erie. Always, the best part of the evening was the sound of his voice on the cool night air.

All children need grandparents. It doesn’t matter if the grandparents are interested in astronomy or gardening. It doesn’t matter if they read Bible stories or play poker with the kids. What matters to a child is the unconditional love they get from someone who is bound to them by history and by choice.

Grandparents have the time to listen to children ramble on for hours until they finally get to the point. They have the time to pay attention to what the child is really saying behind all the bravado of youth. Grandparents can offer advice that would be rejected out of hand if given by a parent. After all, they’re old, and so are given more leeway to speak of things that need to be said.

Grandparents also provide a safe haven for unruly teenagers who are caught in a no man’s land between childhood and adulthood. They can be a refuge from the pressures of school and peers. Grandparents can disapprove of the action without disapproving of the child. Parents don’t have that luxury.

When a child gets to be a certain age, anything the parent has to say will be taken as a personal insult. Rebellion becomes the ruling force in the teen’s life. Lectures fall on defiant ears. It is then that grandparents become most valuable.

There is a young girl in Texas right now who desperately needs to spend sultry summer evenings with a gentle old man who can name the stars. It is too bad that she will never know my grandfather. It is sad that she has to navigate the hazards of being 14 with only her friends and family as guides. Friends and family aren’t enough. Every girl needs a grandparent to be a part of her life. I hope that somehow she finds one.[[In-content Ad]]