How to get rid of the guilt

It was just a simple question but I have been cloaked in guilt since it was asked. There is no good answer to some questions, only excuses. I had never met the man who asked it before that day.
I had taken my mother to the knee doctor to see if he would do something to alleviate her pain from arthritis. She had been complaining for years. One of her knees had been replaced five or six years ago. At that time, the remaining knee was a little achy but bearable.
The ensuing years saw other health problems develop and a few months ago she had another heart attack and a stroke. Age was beginning to take its toll on her.
All the while I lived over an hour away and my brother and his wife gradually assumed the task of running her back and forth to wherever she needed to go as their work schedules allowed them time off during the week and they lived a mere five minutes away from her.
I visited and occasionally cleaned for her, but not often enough. After I left work last year, I began to assume more of the transportation duties, but still left the majority of it to my brother and his wife. I spent many days at the hospital this summer when Mom had her heart attack and stroke and even more days cleaning.
I took her to her family doctor for a follow up appointment and understood why Mom doesn’t like the woman. Mom reads lips and the doctor turns away from her to talk and spends more time entering data on her laptop than she does listening to the patient. She also tends to not make sure the patient understands what is going on before dismissing her.
When Mom complained about her knee, the doctor was all too ready to write yet another prescription and send her on her way. It was only when I asked, specifically, about treatment that she gave us a referral to an orthopedist, huffily stating that she doesn’t do what I was asking her to do.
Thus, we were sitting in the new doctor’s office when he asked me, “Why did you wait so long?” and prompting my ongoing feeling of guilt.
Why, indeed? There are so many reasons that are really poor excuses. Mom has problems discerning when something should be ignored and when something is important. For her, a momentary pang is just as important as the lump she found when she had breast cancer. All the warnings on television about this drug or that have her convinced that any little thing is some dread disease. Because of this tendency we, her family and her family doctor, tend to dismiss her problems as unfounded complaints.
My mom has speech impediments that go along with her hearing loss. These problems have been worsened by her recent stroke. She has difficulty understanding a lot of things. She tends to use colloquialisms and people react by not taking her seriously.
I know all this and am still filled with guilt that I didn’t see through everything and take off work last year or before and insist that something be done to alleviate her pain.
I am in what has been referred to as the sandwich phase of life. I am as likely to look up cartoon characters on the Internet as I am to look up assistive devices for seniors. One minute I am concerned about my mother; the next about my daughter and grandchildren. Always I am consumed with the feeling that I should have done more to care for those I love.
Why did I wait so long before bringing my mother to the orthopedist? It really doesn’t matter. What counts is that she is finally getting some relief.
Now how do I get rid of the guilt?[[In-content Ad]]