It's hard to be funny when I'm furious (04/14/08)

Write something funny. Rachel is down in the dumps and she needs to read something funny.

This was the request I received from my daughter the other day. Rachel is the daughter of my ex-husband's fifth (and possibly last) wife.

Rachel is a pretty and smart young girl who joined the Marines and was scheduled to graduate in a few weeks. She has a stress fracture and has to wait until she is healed before they will allow her to graduate. She is disappointed, to say the least.

Thus, the command to write something funny. I don't know what to say. Should I tell about the time we visited Hannibal, Missouri and went on a cave tour? I have been a fan of Mark Twain's since I was a young girl. We had a whole collection of his works in a bookcase that I was not allowed to touch. Of course, I read every one of them except for the ones that sounded dull. If you want to get your child to read something, just tell them they are not allowed to touch the books.

I could not pass up the chance to see the caves where Tom Sawyer and Becky Thatcher supposedly played. We opted for the lantern tour. It was a very small group consisting of my husband, the guide, and me. We followed the guide until I was hopelessly confused. Then I lost my footing and went sliding on my backside, in the mud, towards him. All I could think of was that he was the only one who knew the way back out and he was the only one with a light. I finally came to a stop inches away from him.

It reminded me of the time I slipped down the stairs at school. Every time I tried to stop I kept going until I got to the very bottom. My girlfriend apologized for giggling uncontrollably.

We used to think it was funny when Norma stepped on a nail on the playground. It was stuck in her foot and we couldn't get it out. The teacher panicked until she realized it was in Norma's wooden leg.

Is that funny enough? Do they make wooden legs any more?

The problem is that I am not in a funny mood today. I have just gotten a phone call that illustrates how mean my soon to be ex-son-in-law is. I want to fly to Texas and return the evil he has wrought against my daughter. At the very least, I want to call him up and yell at him. For now, I cannot do either. For now, I have to strive to write something funny.

What exactly is funny? A harmless and unexpected mishap is often considered funny. Our cat jumping when it thunders is funny to us. Having my granddaughter grow up thinking all women should be treated like her daddy treats her mommy isn't funny.

Write something funny.

Is it improper to tell others that the most beautiful woman I ever saw was a man? I was working at the Upper Krust restaurant and a very striking woman came in. I mentioned it to the other workers and they laughed at me. It was only when he/she came back for a refill on a drink that I realized that my co-workers were correct. It was a guy.

When we first got Gracie, the calico cat she caught a mouse in the middle of the night and waited until my husband got up to go to the bathroom before she placed it on his pillow. He didn't discover it in time and feeling the wet mouse against his cheek . . . let's just say he didn't think it was nearly as funny as I did.

I suppose it is funny that her stepfather's first wife is sending a card to Rachel. It is a different kind of funny to realize that he and I get along much better now that we aren't married any more.

Write something funny. Since she cannot watch Gracie turn somersaults this will have to do. I hope she will get a laugh out of something I have written. She will graduate into a full-fledged Marine soon enough and will have more to worry about than not graduating on time.

[[In-content Ad]]