Mailing package requires straight answers (05/14/07)

I go to the post office almost every week. I recognize the faces behind the counter. I think the postal workers are some of the most wonderful people on earth. They are courteous, polite and best of all they are a connection to family in other places. Yet whenever I mail a package, be it a padded envelope or an oversized box they always ask me the same questions.

Is it fragile? What difference does that make? If I say no will they play catch with my package instead of handling it gently? I said yes one time and after pounding the word "Fragile" all over it like he was tenderizing a steak the guy tossed it on a pile behind him. Granted, it was an easy toss not an angry slam but it struck me as ironic and funny.

Is it perishable? I don't know how to answer because in my mind everything is perishable given enough time. Even mountains will erode away eventually. I know they are wanting to find out if I have packed banana cookies for the baby or chocolate fudge for the step-grandson. They are asking if there is anything that needs to arrive at its destination before it spoils or melts although my packages get there quickly no matter what the reply.

Is it potentially hazardous? Again, if I answer truthfully, I believe everything is potentially hazardous. The soft-bodied doll I sent last week could be swung by a plastic arm or leg and used as a weapon. The books I mail could be used to bonk playmates on the head, could potentially choke a child if eaten or drive someone crazy from being read several a thousand times. Even the stuffed animals are potentially hazardous if they were to go "swimming" in the toilet and get stuck.

Do they really think that if I intend to send something harmful through the mail that I will tell the truth about what I am sending? If I'm nuts enough to do that I would have no compunction at all about lying.

They also want to know if I need delivery confirmation. This is a legitimate question as sometimes one does need proof a package or letter has arrived. I usually get delivery confirmation the old-fashioned way. I call the person and ask if they got whatever I sent. If I didn't have faith that my packages would get to where it belongs I wouldn't have sent it.

Then I am asked if I need stamps or whatever. This is a good question as things seem to slip my mind more often than they used to.

It is always apparent which of us bought the stamps. I make my decision based on whatever designs are offered. My husband goes for flags. I have never known him to buy any other pattern. On the other hand, I have been know to bring home the most outlandish stamps in circulation at any given moment. Once they were so unusual that my husband asked me if they were legitimate postage. He wasn't fond of the fact that they covered twice as much area as the flags.

As you may know, the postal rates are going up today. It now costs 10 times more to mail a letter than it did when I was born. The best thing is that we no longer have to buy those little one- and two-cent stamps to add on to whatever stamps we have hidden at home. If you are like me you never get the count right and end up with an odd number of stamps. Then when the postage goes up again I can never find the extra stamps.

One of the best things the postal service has done in my lifetime is to go to the self-stick stamps. I don't know what kind of glue they used on the kind that had to be licked, but it was nasty. Plus the self-stick ones tend to adhere better.

I'm sure I have forgotten a few of the queries that I hear nearly every week. I know full well that the employees are required to ask inane questions in the interest of ... well, I'm not sure. National security? Better service? Maybe it is just that employees are always required to ask something these days and it would be even weirder if they asked, "Would you like fries with that?"[[In-content Ad]]