Message in a bottle perks up week (08/27/07)

I had never received a message in a bottle before today. There it was, sitting on top of the other mail, just waiting to be opened. It was as enticing as a brand new box of Girl Scout cookies.

Sand and tiny seashells were in the bottom of the bottle along with a colorful miniature beach umbrella. A yellow note was curled tightly inside begging to be read.

What could it possibly say? I didn't know anyone who could be stuck on a deserted island. How did the bottle get to the post office? Had a stray albatross plucked it out of the sand and dropped it onto a mail truck? Did someone expect me to rescue them?

According to the on-line encyclopedia, Wikipedia, the earliest recorded method of this means of communication was when Greek philosopher, Theoprastus, released bottles with messages inside to demonstrate that the Mediterranean Sea was formed by the inflowing Atlantic Ocean. This was in 310 BC. Why would a philosopher care how the Mediterranean was formed? Are we sure he was a philosopher and not a scientist? Isn't this considered littering?

Christopher Columbus was said to enclose a letter of his discovery in a sealed cask and then he tossed it overboard during a storm. He trusted that someone would pass the information on to the Queen of Spain in case the storm washed him away. I find it interesting that he assumed the cask would be found intact by someone with the ability to approach the Queen. That would be like expecting me to find a tin can by the side of the road and deliver it to the president. I'd never get past the secret service people.

The oddest bit of trivia I found about messages in bottles was that the English navy once used this method to send information about enemy positions and that the official Uncorker of Ocean Bottles was the only one who was allowed to unseal such missives. Anybody whose curiosity got the best of them and opened it anyway was supposedly put to death.

Yikes! Could I be put to death for opening this little bottle? It was something to think about.

I turned the bottle over and over in my hand. It was addressed to me so I probably wouldn't have to go find an official Uncorker of Ocean Bottles. I finally unwound the red sealing tape from the top of the bottle and pried out the cork. Nothing jumped out. No genies or sea urchins. Nobody offering to behead me for my audacity. Nothing.

Then it was a matter of getting the yellow piece of paper out of the bottle. Once I finally removed it and uncurled it, I read, "Help! I'm stuck in the other bottle. You did get the other bottle, didn't you?" It was signed by my 11-year-old nephew, Jadyn.

I could hear him and his parents giggling as they cooked up this little joke. It perked me up the rest of the day.

It reminded me of the time they sent a paper clip butterfly that flew out when I opened a silly card. I will have to think of an appropriate response to return the favor. The last thing I sent them was "The Dangerous Book for Boys" which they didn't think was the least bit dangerous.

It's funny how something like a plastic bottle, a tiny umbrella, a silly note and a bit of sand can make such a drastic change in my attitude. I had been trying to endure the rest of the week and was looking forward to our upcoming weekend getaway to a little town in the neighboring state of Michigan. Paperwork was conspiring against me and multiplying exponentially. I was on the way to becoming extremely frazzled when this bottle arrived in the mailbox and changed all that.

The paperwork is still multiplying but I no longer care. I am plotting revenge. What can I come up with as an appropriate response? Maybe I can find something at the art fair we are going to this weekend. One year they had several booths featuring flamingo windmills. Perhaps several of those would look nice on their lawn. Half of the fun is deciding on the perfect surprise. I'm sure I'll find something that they will never expect.[[In-content Ad]]