No invitation needed

I don’t understand people. My brother, his wife and son and our mother all came up to our house last Sunday for Mother’s Day. My other brother and his family didn’t come because “they weren’t invited.” Since when does family need an invitation to visit? I think it was just a convenient excuse not to drive over 100 miles on a beautiful holiday. Or maybe they were afraid I was going to bake something and they don’t like my cooking. Who knows?

The relatives who showed up weren’t invited either but they came anyway. They invited themselves, just like I invite myself when I visit them.

I understand that there are people who don’t like to have unexpected visitors. I am not one of them although when people announce that they are coming to my house it usually throws me into a state of cleaning frenzy that borders on panic. The brother who did visit says things work the same way at their house. It doesn’t matter that we have each seen the other’s homes in their usual state of clutter.

The open door policy has had some interesting consequences. When my daughter was a baby we lived in Kettering, Ohio. We lived in a subdivision of cookie-cutter houses that differed only in color. The neighbor lady used to drop over with her preschooler. The child was usually dressed but the mom visited in her pajamas if it was still early in the morning. This was a common occurrence for most of the mothers on that block.

For the record, I never visited in my nightclothes although I did take more than one midnight drive in my p.j.’s. For awhile it was the only way to quiet a screaming baby. She still falls asleep in the car but she doesn’t yell all night any more.

After we moved to Goshen, Ohio we lived on a dead-end street. The view was of classic suburbia out the front door and a corn field behind us. These houses were different enough to easily tell them apart. There was no more visiting in pajamas but the children still roamed freely.

One blisteringly hot day I was home with a migraine. I had been throwing up most of the day. I got tired of letting the dog in and out so I left the door ajar for her. I was collapsed on the bed wearing next to nothing when I realized there were two little kids staring at me.

It seems the dog had stolen their ball and they wanted it back. They retrieved the ball and got an unintended anatomy lesson at the same time. I gave them a stern lecture about not entering without knocking first but I think they were too stunned to listen. I have no idea what they told their mother.

I am so used to inviting myself to family affairs that I don’t even consider that an invitation might be appropriate. Next time I expect my brother and his family to show up I’ll make out a hand-written request complete with artistic embellishments. It will probably look more like something their four-year-old drew than a high-class note as drawing is definitely not one of my talents.

Maybe if we lived closer then we wouldn’t consider a visit to be a special occurrence. This is probably not going to happen as my brother has a new job and is looking for a place to live that is even farther away from us than they are now. I think I’ll make up a whole box of special invitations to give them next time I see them so they can never use that as a legitimate excuse again.

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