Show respect during conversation (06/09/08)

We are taught to believe that doctors are some of the best and brightest people around. They are healers. They care about their patients. They are the ones to make us better.

Unfortunately they are only human, with human foibles and human reactions.

My mother is extremely hard of hearing. She has some hearing but mostly she reads lips. Her doctors know this. If they don't she repeatedly tells them that she reads lips.

For some reason they don't realize that when they have their backs turned to her she can't read their lips! They keep talking and expect her to understand what they are saying then get irritated with her when she doesn't know what is going on.

It is the very epitome of rudeness to turn your back on someone while you are still talking to them. It is even worse when you know they can't hear you if they can't see what you are saying. Yet, they do it to her all the time.

When she had her mastectomy I repeated the words, "Look at her when you talk. She can't hear you. Don't look at us, we can hear. Look at her!" to no avail. I finally gave up and translated for her.

It seems the doctor she went to last week had the same problem. She did not take the time to make sure Mom understood what was being said and as a result there was a lot of unnecessary embarrassment and resentment.

If I lived closer I would go to her appointments with her. Of course, I would probably lose whatever job I had as she has lots and lots of appointments.

The fact is that I live over an hour's drive away and can't afford to take a day off work every time she goes to the doctor. So instead I fume and rant and rave about how rudely she was treated.

This is not limited to doctors even though they are the focus of my irritation at this time.

I once took a history class and one of the girls in the class had been going to a school for the deaf and was trying out a regular school.

She informed the teacher that even though she had hearing aids, they bothered her and she relied on lip reading for most of her information.

She had her hearing aids on her desk as often as they were in her ears. The teacher insisted on facing away from her and often she had no idea what he was talking about.

This was a good teacher, a caring teacher. He had many awards saying so. Yet, he didn't have what I consider to be enough common courtesy to face a student so that she could get the benefit of what he was saying.

She said she was going to return to the school for the deaf, as regular school was just too hard.

It all boils down to common courtesy. Unfortunately we each have our own ideas of what common courtesy is. I have always been taught that it is the height of rudeness to turn your back on someone. It is also rude to hold your hand over your mouth when speaking. Both are dismissive gestures that indicate the other person isn't important.

The doctors who take care of Mom obviously do not believe this. They have their own standards.

I can't help but believe that there are plenty more people who would benefit if people would only face each other when talking. Give them your full attention and they will give you theirs. It will avoid a lot of misunderstanding on both parts.[[In-content Ad]]