Silly songs bring cheer (12/13/04)

I’ve been listening to lots of Christmas songs lately. As much as I hate cold weather it is a little difficult to relate to, “Frosty the Snowman” when it’s warm outside. Drippy the Puddle doesn’t have the same ring to it. Perhaps the temperature will be more Christmas-like by the time you read this.

On the other hand we don’t have to worry about Grandma getting run over by a reindeer if we don’t have any snow. If this song is to be believed then reindeer are sometimes homicidal whereas the whitetail deer around here are merely suicidal.

Rudolph would never run over Grandma. He is too busy hiding from the other reindeer (they have it in for Rudolph as well as Grandma). How I wish there could come a time when nobody could relate to the story of the red-nosed wonder. Unfortunately, it seems to be an innate human characteristic to ostracize anyone who doesn’t conform to whatever is considered normal.

We can be thankful that our true loves can’t afford all the gifts in the “Twelve Days of Christmas.” Do you realize that by January 6 you would have 184 assorted birds or more if the geese a-laying hatched any eggs, a small grove of pear trees, 40 golden rings, and 140 people hanging around waiting to be fed? It doesn’t sound very romantic to me.

Personally, the mere thought of 30 manic lords a-leaping (10 lords times three days) gives me the willies. Do the pipers or the drummers get to pick which song they play? If the drummers insist on playing, “Wipeout,” then do the pipers get to take a break or do they compete with whatever song pipers are known for?

The maids a-milking have to rest sometime or the poor cows will get irritated. Does this mean that they would no longer be maids a-milking and would they have to be replaced? Can one even find a maid who is willing to milk a cow? Or are they milking goats? The song doesn’t say. Do the maids come with their own animals? Just what everyone needs in the city - a herd of cows or goats or whatever.

Who are the ladies dancing supposed to be dancing with? Each other? Why would anyone want that as a present? The golden rings might be nice. Maybe we could take some of them and melt them down to create bracelets or necklaces as 40 rings (five rings times eight days) would be too many.

I can more easily relate to the Chipmunk Song. Alvin still wants a hula hoop and so did I a long, long time ago. I’m amazed that such a simple thing is still around in this age of electronic everything.

I know several boys who would love a plane that goes loop-de-loop. They aren’t getting one from me. Have you priced those things? Any toy that expensive is a “big-boy” toy and the big boys can purchase them for themselves.

I also like the Snoopy and the bloody Red Baron song. It is all the more poignant in this time of war. I especially like the part about the two acting like comrades for a short time. It tells me that people (and cartoon dogs) could just as readily be friends as enemies. Too many lives are lost in the name of ideology.

This brings us to the religious songs. “Away in a Manger” tells a tale of overcrowding and compassion. I’ve played in mangers and taken refuge in them when the mama cow would get upset that I was petting her newborn calf. Being surrounded by sweet-smelling hay can be a very comforting thing. So even though we tend to think of being regulated to the barn as demeaning, it was an act of compassion on the part of the innkeeper to provide a place for the baby to be born.

It is becoming increasingly difficult to experience a silent night, let alone a holy night. I doubt if even the Herald Angels could drown out some of those mobile sound systems that soon-to-be-deaf people favor.

I love Christmas songs. I enjoy all of them, religious or not. I’m also grateful that most people don’t take the tunes literally or else we’d have to hide Grandma from the reindeer and chase wayward snowmen through town while listening to angels sing.[[In-content Ad]]