Sometimes you have to suffer (9/19/05)

I truly did know better but I did it anyway and now I’m paying the price. I cleaned out the shrubs lining the edge of our driveway and now I have a bad case of poison ivy on my arm. I never, ever got poison ivy when I was a child. My mother always made me wash with yellow laundry soap after I had been anywhere near the nasty weed.

Not having any yellow laundry soap, I washed thoroughly with ordinary soap when I finished hacking on the bushes. Then I washed again and yet again. It wasn’t enough. A couple days later the itching started. Then the rash appeared. It burned, bubbled, oozed and itched. I’ve never had it burn before. I was lucky that it was only on one arm and not everywhere. At one point it looked as if my arm had been branded.

There are as many “cures” for poison ivy as there are weeds in my garden. I was too cheap to go to the doctor or even to buy an over the counter remedy. I figured the rash would go away in its own sweet time. It has been almost two weeks and now my arm is merely ugly and only slightly itchy. I expect it to be healed in a couple more days.

Several people advised me to put bleach on the rash. I view this advice as sheer lunacy. I am pale enough as it is. The last thing I need is one arm to be bleached a snowy white and the rest of me to be off-white. Other people have suggested putting nail polish on the blisters. I have no intention of ever doing this either.

Poisonivy.aesir.com has pictures of the plants, icky pictures of various rashes and dozens of remedies ranging from honey to plastic wrap. I’m not sure if one is supposed to eat the honey or apply it to the rash but the site recommends spring honey to render one “immune to the effects of the sap.”

Baking soda and oatmeal are common folk remedies for anything that itches. While I use baking soda on a bee sting I’d rather use it to make cookies than to soothe the effects of my own stupidity. One of their more interesting entries was from a Canadian who insists that maple syrup is a cure for poison ivy. “But none of that cheap American stuff,” he insists. It has to be Canadian syrup for it to work properly. Again, do I eat it or soak my arm in it?

I have applied almost an entire tube of anti-itch cream over the past two weeks to alleviate some of the irritation and I never heed the advice not to scratch.

I figure that if my body wants me to scratch then that is exactly what I should do. It is immensely satisfying and so far I have had no adverse effects from doing what comes naturally.

Poison ivy plants have a poisonous sap called urushiol that is released when the plants are bruised. The plants are as easily bruised as a person on blood thinners and seem to release the urushiol if someone dares to breathe within sight of them. I supposed it is a protective mechanism on the part of the plants but to me it seems more vengeful than protective. The plants I destroyed put out plenty of urushiol but it didn’t stop them from being regulated to the compost bin. They’ll probably try to poison me again in the spring when I clean out the compost.

I would have sprayed the evil leaves with brush killer but I was afraid that the ivy would live and the rest of the bushes would die. So next time I get the urge to be stupid I’ll just have to remember to wear long sleeves. Maybe I should stock up on yellow laundry soap while I’m at it.

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