That 'new doll' smell

I bought a baby doll last weekend. It seems that my daughter’s niece had every toy a toddler could ask for except a baby doll.

There are many rules a little girl must learn as she is growing up so that she may become assimilated into our society. We find ourselves endlessly repeating phrases such as, “Little girls do not spit!”

In addition to the lessons we chant to our female offspring, there are many unspoken things that are just plain instinct.

Every female knows that the first thing to be done after ripping a new doll out of its packaging is to sniff the doll. There is a particular aroma that only new baby dolls have. This will transport a woman of any age back to the innocence of childhood.

Any ribbons, hats or other accessories are removed next and promptly lost. The doll may then be played with for no more than an hour or two before it is stripped naked. It doesn’t matter if the clothes are removable or not.

Sometimes the fabric is stitched directly to the doll. In these cases the clothing is forcibly removed even if it requires tearing a beautiful dress into shreds. Mothers tend to get upset when this happens so the young lady usually attempts this when Mom isn’t looking. As a last resort the child may appropriate the scissors she is not allowed to use to assist in this process.

As long as the scissors are in the girl’s hands and no adult has discovered the impending disaster, the child will “trim” the doll’s hair then attempt to “restyle” her own. This usually results in shrieking on the mother’s part and a trip to the local beauty salon where Mom is told, “it will grow back.” The doll, however, is condemned to spend the rest of its time on earth with huge chunks of hair missing. This only makes it more endearing to the child.

Any adult present is required to dress the baby in whatever the child demands. For some reason, dolls are incapable of wearing the same outfit for more than a few minutes at a time. Under no circumstances is the girl herself allowed to put the original clothing back on the doll and leave it there.

At some point in the doll’s existence it will be given a bath. If the doll is plastic the child will get great pleasure in soaking the doll then squeezing it so that water squirts out of where the arms and legs are attached and soapsuds come out of its eyes. Soon after this experiment the child will discover that the head can be removed.

The cost of the doll is in inverse proportion to how much it will be played with. Expensive ones will be condemned to spend their lives under the bed, naked and in positions that make a contortionist cringe. Their lacy dresses will be used to clothe kittens, puppies or whatever other hapless pet the child can capture.

The cheap doll that was rescued from the dump and named “Grandpa’s baby” will be loved to pieces. It will receive new lipstick and several tattoos. The lipstick will eventually rub off but there will always be a faint red smudge around the doll’s mouth. The ink pen tattoos may or may not come off. This is the only doll in the vast collection that will remain clothed.

By taking part in these rituals little girls learn what it is like to belong to the vast sisterhood of females. They learn that expensive doesn’t always mean better and that the best aroma in the whole world is the smell of a brand-new baby doll.[[In-content Ad]]