The tulips made me do it (04/28/08)

It's that time of year again. No, not my baby brother's birthday. He turns 40 tomorrow and is in Hawaii celebrating with his wife's family.

It's not even the time of year when the weeping cherry tree we planted looks its best. That was last week.

It is the time of year when the daffodils are fading and the tulips are coming into their glory.

There is something about the tulips that causes me to lose all sense. They emit subliminal suggestions into the air that compel me to clean out the bushes alongside the driveway.

The rest of the year I have sense enough to leave them alone. If the bushes want to invite trees and wild grapes to grow all over them, so be it. But for some reason, I have been compelled to attack the interlopers this year.

The consequences have been predictable even though I wore gloves and washed with three different kinds of soap as soon as I came back in the house.

I now have poison ivy blisters decorating my face and hands. I look like the Godfather, if the Godfather had a red face. I know better than to mess with those bushes. I know there is poison ivy in there. I know what will happen. Yet, every year or two I throw caution to the wind and attempt to weed out that nasty plant knowing full well that I will lose the battle. I imagine it is chuckling as I write. It is probably plotting with the tulips to see what other mischief it can cause.

I checked on the internet for beneficial uses of the evil vine, reasoning that every plant has something good about it. I found that it provides food for both birds and animals. Apparently they aren't allergic to the urushiol in the plant.

It is good for controlling erosion near the ocean. Not being near any oceans, I fail to see how this could benefit us.

Listen to this paragraph, "There are many close relatives to poison ivy (also known as poison oak) in the northern hemisphere especially in Europe where they are planted in gardens for their beautiful foliage . . ." You must be joking!

First of all poison ivy and poison oak are not the same plant. Secondly anyone who would plant real poison ivy for the beautiful foliage would have to be nuts.

Supposedly the plant can be used in the treatment of arthritis and rheumatism. I suppose the itch would make the original problem seem not so bad. The same site said that the plant is extremely poisonous.

Jewelweed often grows near poison ivy and is said to be a natural remedy. As no jewelweed had taken up residence in the bushes I can't test this theory.

I looked for ways to eliminate the plant. As it reproduces any way it can, sexually, asexually, creeping roots, or any other way it can think of, that isn't going to be easy. The only spray that I know works would also kill the bushes and I want to keep those.

Goats seem to be the only sure-fire solution according to what I have found. Goats. I don't think goats are allowed to live in town. Since they eat almost anything, they would probably feast on the tulips and leave the poison ivy alone. If we lived out of town it might be worth a try.

I don't think I'll be buying or even renting any goats in the near future. Since I already have the rash I might as well continue to attack the bushes in the hopes that one bout of poison ivy a year is enough.[[In-content Ad]]