What is the charm of pinching (03/17/08)

Happy Saint Patrick's Day! If you are one to celebrate with green beer, please let someone else do the driving. If you are one who celebrates by pinching everybody who fails to wear green, well, let's just say I've never understood the charm of that practice and it's getting more difficult every year not to slug people who pinch me.

I much prefer to celebrate by dying some baby chickens and rabbits green. No, I've never done that before, but there is always a first time. The ones I had when I was little soon outgrew their unnatural colors and went on to live long and happy lives - until we ate them.

For all of you who are wincing at that last statement, let me remind you that something has to die if we are to eat. It doesn't matter if that something is a fuzzy bunny or a crunchy carrot; all food that we eat was once alive.

I reconsidered what I just wrote and I feel I should retract at least part of it. I have been to a restaurant where I was not at all certain that what I was served was ever alive. Of course, it was across the street from a chemical plant. Maybe that explains it.

What I was getting at with all this talk of green animals, was a story I read recently about some woman who dyes her poodle pink. She uses beet juice. She is trying to raise awareness about breast cancer and now she faces a fine of $1,000 because it is against the law where she lives to dye animals.

Personally, if I saw a pink poodle, breast cancer is not the first thing that would come to mind. I would wonder how she got the animal used to being soaked in beet juice in the first place. Did she ever use too much and turn the animal dark red? Are her hands permanently stained from dying the poodle? How many beets does it take to get enough juice to keep the poodle pink? What happens if the poodle runs off during the dye job? Does the poodle insist on shaking itself dry? Is her house covered in beet juice splotches?

I wonder if she tried other coloring procedures before settling on beet juice. Strawberries or raspberries might give a nice rosy color. There are probably even doggie dyes on the market.

I don't think that dying a dog or any other animal is normal. It also is not the end of the world. When I read the story I couldn't help but wonder why anyone was wasting their time when there are so many other problems that need to be addressed in this world. Who cares if some lady has a pink poodle?

The answer is that we do. It gives a little levity to the news. I would much rather read about someone with a pink poodle that some sicko stabbing a cat so he can show his children how to kill. Now there's a lesson those children won't soon forget.

The sad thing is that the court system will surely mandate that those kids will have to have visits with that evil man on a regular basis. Now there is a law that needs to be changed.

But if someone wants to corner the market on beet juice just to keep her poodle in the pink, well, more power to her. Then maybe we can concentrate on what's important; like teaching children how to be nice to animals, not how to kill them.

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