Insecurities have mellowed with time

It was a perfect summer evening. Our carving club was hosting its annual cookout. I had spent the day baking a cake. I had considered making something more complicated but forgot to obtain all the needed ingredients.
We loaded the still warm cake into the car and hoped we remembered how to get there. When we saw the wizard and the red, white and blue eagle in the front yard, we knew we were in the right place.
Only one couple had arrived before us and I worried that nobody else was coming. A cream colored horse watched as we parked in front of the barn. A couple of dogs barked from inside a horse trailer. A bevy of wooden creatures in various sizes and stages of completion stared silently at us.
More people trickled in and the buffet table filled up. A multitude of tiny sweat bees delighted in exploring all the visitors. Two of the insects committed suicide in my lemonade. I fished them out and drank it anyway. Conversation flowed. Someone crashed the party and I was surprised that it was someone I knew.
After a heartfelt prayer, we all settled down to eat. The food was delicious and the conversation was better. It is the only time, other than Christmas, that the spouses join our group although they are always welcome. I was reminded of how much I like the wives of these men who play with knives for pleasure.
After we ate, we explored the small shop in front of the barn. It was packed floor to ceiling with evidence of a serious addiction to wood. I was impressed by the sheer talent displayed on the shelves. I was also impressed that anything actually stayed on those shelves as they were in dire need of support.
Eventually, people started leaving for home and we gathered the remains of the cake and said our goodbyes.
There was a time, not so long ago, when I couldn’t have envisioned such an evening. I have always been happiest by myself. Groups of people make me panic. It doesn’t matter if I know them or not. I hide in the background, looking for a chance to escape. I would pretend to belong while struggling with the urge to flee. I would not speak, lest others around me would realize how dumb I am.
Over time, I have become more adept at convincing myself that I don’t have to pretend. Everybody else is too busy worrying about whatever is going on with their own lives to be concerned with me. We all have insecurities. And, surprisingly enough, we all belong. We are all in this world together.
The whole point of all this, is that whatever life hands you, nothing is forever. Everything changes. Sometimes it changes for the better, sometimes not.
Change is a sneaky thing. One minute we are young and pretty, the next, old and wrinkly. One minute we are happiest while hiding in a book, the next, we are relishing a summer evening spent in the presence of good people.
If you swallow your apprehension and allow new experiences into your life, one day you might be surprised at how much you enjoy being surrounded by friends on a perfect summer evening.