August 19, 2015 at 5:01 p.m.
House-hunting can get ridiculous
Back in the Saddle
Join us now for another episode of House Hunting Bargain Hunters Renovation Ridiculousness.
Sasha and Tammy are a young couple planning a $75,000 wedding and a $30,000 honeymoon. They also thought it would be a good idea to buy a house before they said their vows.
Sasha is a part-time tattoo artist who does open mic stand-up comedy once a week. Tammy is a clown who performs at children’s birthday parties.
They have a budget for their first house of $750,000.
(Okay. If you’ve switched around the channels enough on a weekend without a good baseball game, you’ve met Sasha and Tammy. Like me, you have absolutely no idea where their money is coming from. The price tag of their wedding could buy an excellent house in Jay County. Their honeymoon could buy two good used cars. As to their budget for their first house, they might be able to make a down payment on the Weiler Building.)
Let’s see what Tammy and Sasha are looking for in their first house.
Tammy: Granite countertops are a must. In fact, it would be cool if everything in the kitchen were made out of granite. Granite refrigerator, granite stove, granite dishwasher. And, probably we’d need to get granite dishes.
Sasha: I think the master bathroom should have at least two sinks. Maybe three. Maybe four. You never know who’s going to drop in.
Tammy: As many French doors as possible. And hardwood throughout, preferably something that’s going to inflict maximum damage on Amazon rainforests.
Sasha: I’d like a full basement rec room to be the home gym. An indoor basketball court would be nice, but it’s not a deal-breaker.
Tammy: Four bedrooms would be great. We don’t have any children, but our pets need some room to move around.
Host: Let’s take a look at what’s available in Tammy and Sasha’s ideal neighborhood. It’s a part of the city with more bars than supermarkets, but that’s where they want to live because they are more interested in partying than cooking dinner. Here’s their first option: It’s a double-wide parked on a lot subject to mudslides. It has green shag carpeting throughout and a bit of a moldy smell.
Tammy: Oh, wow! This has great potential.
Sasha: But does it have enough space for your shoes? Every woman in America needs at least two full rooms for her shoes.
Tammy: (Giggles as needed.)
Host: Let’s look at option two. It’s a Frank Lloyd Wright-designed masterpiece, but it’s located five minutes from your ideal neighborhood. Like all Frank Lloyd Wright houses, its roof leaks badly, but that just adds to the charm.
Sasha: I can’t handle a five-minute commute. This one is off the list for me.
Tammy: How many sinks does it have?
Host: And here’s option number three. It’s an abandoned dumpster left on the side of the road. The price is under budget at $500,000.
Tammy: Do you see what I see?
Sasha: It’s under budget.
Tammy: We could make this our own.
Sasha: Really put our own imprint on it.
Tammy: Let’s do this.
Sasha: That’s what I’m talking about!
Tammy: Does it have any sinks at all?
Sasha and Tammy are a young couple planning a $75,000 wedding and a $30,000 honeymoon. They also thought it would be a good idea to buy a house before they said their vows.
Sasha is a part-time tattoo artist who does open mic stand-up comedy once a week. Tammy is a clown who performs at children’s birthday parties.
They have a budget for their first house of $750,000.
(Okay. If you’ve switched around the channels enough on a weekend without a good baseball game, you’ve met Sasha and Tammy. Like me, you have absolutely no idea where their money is coming from. The price tag of their wedding could buy an excellent house in Jay County. Their honeymoon could buy two good used cars. As to their budget for their first house, they might be able to make a down payment on the Weiler Building.)
Let’s see what Tammy and Sasha are looking for in their first house.
Tammy: Granite countertops are a must. In fact, it would be cool if everything in the kitchen were made out of granite. Granite refrigerator, granite stove, granite dishwasher. And, probably we’d need to get granite dishes.
Sasha: I think the master bathroom should have at least two sinks. Maybe three. Maybe four. You never know who’s going to drop in.
Tammy: As many French doors as possible. And hardwood throughout, preferably something that’s going to inflict maximum damage on Amazon rainforests.
Sasha: I’d like a full basement rec room to be the home gym. An indoor basketball court would be nice, but it’s not a deal-breaker.
Tammy: Four bedrooms would be great. We don’t have any children, but our pets need some room to move around.
Host: Let’s take a look at what’s available in Tammy and Sasha’s ideal neighborhood. It’s a part of the city with more bars than supermarkets, but that’s where they want to live because they are more interested in partying than cooking dinner. Here’s their first option: It’s a double-wide parked on a lot subject to mudslides. It has green shag carpeting throughout and a bit of a moldy smell.
Tammy: Oh, wow! This has great potential.
Sasha: But does it have enough space for your shoes? Every woman in America needs at least two full rooms for her shoes.
Tammy: (Giggles as needed.)
Host: Let’s look at option two. It’s a Frank Lloyd Wright-designed masterpiece, but it’s located five minutes from your ideal neighborhood. Like all Frank Lloyd Wright houses, its roof leaks badly, but that just adds to the charm.
Sasha: I can’t handle a five-minute commute. This one is off the list for me.
Tammy: How many sinks does it have?
Host: And here’s option number three. It’s an abandoned dumpster left on the side of the road. The price is under budget at $500,000.
Tammy: Do you see what I see?
Sasha: It’s under budget.
Tammy: We could make this our own.
Sasha: Really put our own imprint on it.
Tammy: Let’s do this.
Sasha: That’s what I’m talking about!
Tammy: Does it have any sinks at all?
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