Safety warnings are mostly common sense

Sometimes I wonder if we have gotten more stupid over the years. Printed on the label of our ketchup bottle were these instructions, “Remove cap and break safety seal before using.” Think about that for a minute. Remove cap. Break safety seal. How else do they think the ketchup is going to get out of there? Maybe if I hadn’t read the instructions I might have taken an axe to the bottle in order to get the product out, except I don’t own an axe.

At this point I have a confession to make. A long time ago I destroyed the safety cap on a bottle of vitamins. My implements of destruction were a pair of pliers and maybe a hammer. After struggling for far too long to get the bottle open, it became a matter of pride. One way or another that lid was coming off. It never occurred to me to try to get the bottle open any other way except by removing the cap.

This brings to mind the person who sued because her coffee was too hot. On the surface it seems simple, coffee is made to be hot. However, hot is not the same as scalding. I once got a hot tea at an airport shop. The cup was so hot I could barely hold it. I thought about getting back in line to get some ice cubes but the line was too long. I ended up dumping the tea in the trash. I’m surprised that it didn’t melt the trash can liner.

Sometimes I think there are a host of paranoid angels watching over us. There are endless warnings on almost every product we buy. “Do not use if safety seal is missing or broken” is one of my favorites. Really? How am I supposed to use it if I don’t break or remove the safety seal? The angels tell us of every impending storm, no matter how small. “Take cover!” they scream, even though the storm usually turns out to be a short-lived shower.

It is safety seals that I really dislike. I remember when nothing had a safety seal. Boxes may have been glued shut and bottles had lids that were hard to get off, but I don’t remember every product being wrapped in layers and layers of plastic.

I still think that the person who started this paranoia should have been sentenced to help people open child-proof caps, pickle jars, and any other product encased in enough plastic to frustrate the best of us.

Then there are plastic bags. They are emblazoned with the message that “this bag is not a toy,” and “keep away from infants.” Do they think I would give the bag to the nearest infant to play with?

I realize that most of these warnings come from someone doing exactly what the products tell us not to do and suffering harm as a result. I also realize that the warnings have become so ubiquitous that they fade into the background and become useless.

Sometimes I long for the days when there weren’t any safety seals on anything. We were expected to use common sense and not contaminate products. It didn’t take a pair of pliers to open anything. Those days are long gone. The paranoid guardian angels do their best to keep us from hurting ourselves and others but they can’t be everywhere so we are left with safety warnings that make no sense to me.