Fort years of marriage has flown by

Forty years. Four decades. Two score. Four moves to a new abode. Several jobs. Two states. One dog. Puppies. Three cats. Scary trips to the hospital. Family and friends passed on. Others got married and had children of their own. However time is measured, it is several lifetimes ago that we said, “I do,” as our loved ones looked on.

Once upon a time neither I nor my hubby could conceive of living as long as we have, let alone being married for this many years. Isn’t that how it works? When we were young, anyone over 30 was ancient and not to be trusted. As we entered our thirties, we thought maybe anyone who was at least twice our age was old. Now I’m not sure how old one has to be before I consider them to be officially old.

So how did we manage 40 years of marriage? Part of it is that we live in a time warp. Time is not constant. It speeds up the longer one is alive. Remember endless summers when you were a kid? Now it seems like summer vacation only lasts a couple of weeks. Some of that is because in our day there was no such thing as spring break, fall break, or any other break so the school year was more compact than it is today.

Mostly time seems to speed up because as we age we fill up our schedules with endless things we feel should be done every day. During our working lives our job takes a good bit of our time and tires us out by the end of the day. Plus there are classes and meetings to attend, and dozens of other things we feel we really should accomplish.

Then there is good old inertia. It is far more comfortable to live with that one little thing our spouse does that drives us crazy than it is to do something about it. In time, we learn to cherish the one we love and accept them as they are.

At some point being married to someone you have shared history with becomes like a cherished security blanket, a bit frayed here and there but still precious. No matter what, in times of trouble, our spouse is the one who gives us the ability to keep going. They are our best friends. It is the shared history that enables people to finish each other’s sentences. Having heard the same story many, many times either one of us is capable of adding to or finishing the tale.

Eventually that “two become one” thing becomes real. There are times when I don’t know where he begins and I leave off. Our opinions slide together and even if we disagree, it is not the end of the world.

The time warp affects how we see each other. When I look at him I see the young guy I married, not the man he is now. I only hope he sees me the same way.

Forty years is a long time that has flown by in an instant. I wonder if the next years will go even faster or how many years we will be given. No matter what, we will face the future together.