How to get away with murdering plants

I committed mass murder this morning. Maybe.

I have been trying to get the flower beds under control. In the process of cutting down the airy pincushion flowers, I discovered some plants that I didn’t know I had. Unfortunately these were thistles and the dreaded poison ivy.

The pincushion flowers had their best year ever. Years ago I had purchased three plants and set them in front of some lilies. They were advertised as growing to about two feet tall and wide. Obviously the plants can’t read as most of them far exceeded three feet tall. They have spread like wildfire.

This year they were not only in front of the lilies — they surrounded them. Seeing that the lilies didn’t bother to defend themselves, they spread out to fill the entire space. That wasn’t enough for the greedy flora so they jumped the sidewalk and filled that bed also. The blue canterbury bells that were there first tried valiantly to keep their space free of the invaders. They failed.

Somehow when I was wrestling with the marauders some poison ivy jumped out and smacked me in the face. Although I washed my hands and face as soon as I was finished, the ivy was in cahoots with the pincushion flowers. I now have several red and swollen areas on my cheek. So far it hasn’t blistered.

I thought I had some herbicide spray that worked on poison ivy. After a diligent search I found it. The push button was clogged. Then when I did get it to spray there was only enough to spritz for a couple of seconds.

Another search turned up a second bottle marked thistle killer. There was only a teaspoon or so in that bottle.

We made a trip to the nursery and left with two bottles of herbicide, one for each pest. This morning I prepared for battle. I donned long pants, a long sleeved shirt, shoes, socks, a headscarf, goggles and plastic gloves under regular garden gloves. I was set to do battle. I mixed up a batch of poison. The guy at the nursery said to paint the solution onto the leaves then wait at least a week before pulling the thistles that died.

I soon tired of painting and dipped the tops of the thistles into the solution. I also painted the stuff onto the leaves that wouldn’t consent to be drowned. I used up the entire batch of solution. Even though the product was recommended to kill thistles, I soaked some of the poison ivy while I was at it.

I don’t like using chemicals on my plants. I make an exception for thistles and poison ivy. Thistles don’t respond well to simply pulling them up. They take this as a challenge to see how many more sticker-covered stems and leaves they can manufacture.

Ivy, on the other hand, doesn’t give me a chance to pull the plant out of the ground. It can sense impending doom and takes the first strike, leaving behind an itchy red rash. So far my rash doesn’t itch but it is swollen and ugly. The masks that the governor mandated we wear hides the damage when I leave the house.

If I am lucky the plants dosed with herbicide will die soon. If they don’t they will be subjected to a second dose of poison. 

When I finished up and went to change clothes I found that my pants were covered with tiny stickers. I’m not sure what kind of plant they came from but it took awhile to remove them. I think they are in cahoots with the thistles and ivy.

Sometimes I think gardeners spend more time killing plants than nurturing them. With all the unrest and upheaval in our country today the small patches of the yard that I refer to as flower beds are something I can almost control. I enjoy watching how the plants change day by day. One moment they are barely holding their own and in the blink of an eye they are everywhere. I never know what will pop up where.

I committed murder of the thistles this morning. The only regret I have is that I wasn’t as careful as I should have been while applying the herbicide. Only time will tell what will live and what will die.