Priorities change over the years

The good news is that our son-in-law came through his recent surgery just fine and is now on the mend. More good news is that the sun is shining. Even more good news is that I have a birthday coming up.

Most of the time the only thing we do for birthdays is to go out to eat. It has been a long time since we expected gifts. I am not sure about the others but the last thing I need is more stuff.

When Mom was still alive we would gather at her house to celebrate the February birthdays. There were five or six of us who were born in what seems like the longest month of the year. I usually chose to go down there toward the end of the month as that was when most of the birthdays were.

The one time I went down on my own birthday, Mom said I had upset my brother, Michael, because I didn’t come back a couple weeks later for his birthday. I asked him about it and he said he didn’t care one way or another. Even so I didn’t make that mistake ever again.

I would bake us a cake and maybe some cookies. We would exchange gifts, eat cake and play cards. We would cheat, sometimes intentionally and sometimes not. In later years Mom would keep score and as often as not, her math skills would let us win even when we shouldn’t have. We learned quickly to never correct her math.

We were a noisy bunch and even those who didn’t play cards would cheer for Mom to win and coach the rest of us if we made an exceptionally foolish move. If the weather was unseasonably warm we would carry a card table out to the top of the driveway and play outside. I have no idea what the neighbors thought about all the noise.

Last year we met at an Indian restaurant in Richmond. We had not been there before. I ordered the same thing as my brother, David, because he is not known to tolerate excessively spicy cuisine. I was surprised that I liked the food as much as I did.

We didn’t play cards or have birthday cake, but we did catch up on each other’s lives and plans for the future. We were a lot quieter than we used to be. I guess we finally outgrew the need to shout.

David and his wife got me a gift, and when I opened it a bunch of plastic butterflies flew out. Then David told the staff he would pay extra for them to sing Happy Birthday to me. That is the first and only time I have ever had people sing to me.

As far as I know this year will be much quieter. There are no plans to meet anyone anywhere. I expect the day to be one of those that get lost in time as being just another day.

I talked to a long-time girlfriend the other day. She said she also has a birthday coming up. She will be 80. She said that she is expecting it to be just another day for her. Maybe I should bake her a cake and invite her to go out to eat. The problem with that is that she lives several hours away. Instead of meeting her somewhere for a good meal, I intend to find a birthday card to send to her and leave it at that.

I find it a bit unnerving to realize that I am the oldest in my immediate family. I am older than my brothers, my cousins and many of the friends I had as a child. The older I get the faster time goes and birthdays and other holidays take on less and less importance.

I like to think that I don’t miss those raucous get-togethers, but a part of me does.

It seems peculiar that things that used to be important aren't important anymore. In fact, important things aren’t things at all. The truly important things are the people who love us and the experiences we have when we are together.