Time at home with baby went by too fast

Our pregnancy was the longest 39 weeks of our lives.

The next four were the fastest.

If my daughter would have been born prior to the first of this year, I wouldn’t have gotten paternity leave through my employer.

I could have utilized the Family Medical Leave Act, but it would have been without pay. Certainly, I could have burned my vacation time to ensure Chrissy and I didn’t go without our full income. But then it would have made things difficult should I have to take a sick day for myself or Baby Schanz.

It would have made adjusting to our new lives incredibly difficult. Turns out, it wouldn’t have been nearly enough time, either.

I work in the marketing department for a PVC roofing membrane manufacturer. (Our roof was recently installed on sections of Jay County Junior-Senior High School.)

After being a family-owned company for more than four decades, the decision was made in early 2023 to sell to a Switzerland-based firm making aggressive moves to break into the North American construction market.

Because of the acquisition, the Swiss and European benefits have started to make their way across the pond. As a result, I was granted four weeks paid paternity leave.

I’m not sure we could have made it without the full four weeks. It wouldn’t have been enough time to settle at home as a family of three, create a routine and, most importantly, figure out how to raise a child.

For example, breastfeeding. My wife wants to try to breastfeed for our baby’s first year — hello … have you SEEN the prices of formula?!

I’ll spare the details, but our daughter was never able to latch on to feed efficiently. Therefore, we had to introduce a silicone shield to aid with feeding.

As with everything associated with a newborn, using it properly came with a steep learning curve. Following long, sleepless nights of trial and error in Baby Schanz’s early days, we discovered it took both of us to ensure she could feed effectively.

Therefore, having me at home for four weeks was indeed a necessity.

And that’s just the main reason. 

There’s being at home to make sure we’re able to give one another breaks to try to sleep; staying on top of the normal, day-to-day house duties so they don’t fall (too far) behind; running errands to get must-have things for the baby (because you can have baby showers and take shopping trips to prepare everything you “think” you’ll need, only to have something pop up you forgot, or didn’t imagine you’d need).

The list goes on.

I just know I’m fortunate to have gotten that time.

While it was beneficial and necessary for me to be at home with my wife and our child, it was also the strangest time in my life to be not working — yet still getting paid — for such a long time.

Never in my adult life have I not had to work for so long. I know my paternity leave is a “benefit” of the job, but part of me still felt I was stealing those paychecks.

I felt guilty to leave my colleagues in the marketing department to handle my duties. It didn’t feel right being away for the extended period.

My team and I were grateful when I returned to work, but unfortunately my guilt has shifted toward my spouse instead of my coworkers.

Even though I can work from home three days a week until our daughter goes to daycare, I have a feeling of remorse for not being as hands-on as I was previously. On the days I work from home, I can step away if I need to in order to help with the baby.

It’s the days I have to go into the office when the shame is the strongest; Chrissy’s at home left to her own devices. I know she’s capable of caring for our child on her own. The problem is, she shouldn’t have to be. I wish I had more time with nothing to worry about but for the three of us to bond together.

It’s not lost on me that I was lucky to have that time in the first place. It’s just that my four weeks of paternity leave went by entirely too fast.