Child will be loved all the same

In September, my wife and I announced we are welcoming our first child.

With this in mind, you should see me in this space frequently writing about my journey into fatherhood from the perspective of someone nearing 40. Not necessarily the age my younger self imagined I’d become a father, but I digress.

Our pregnancy has about a month to go, and it has been everything but easy (more on that in a later column).

One thing we’ve found the most surprising, however, is the difference in reactions we have been receiving when we inform others we do not want to know the gender of our baby. In the age of social media when gender reveals are all the rage, it seems the goal is to “go viral” as if to stroke your ego with each comment and reaction it receives.

I never wanted that though. I didn’t want to mentally exhaust myself in an attempt to make the most elaborate and creative reveal.

What made that decision easy was Chrissy and I choosing to not know the gender even before she became pregnant.

It’s out of character for both of us, as we do not like surprises. If we have gifts for one another, it’s difficult for us to not give them early. We enjoy the comfort of the known, rather than the anxiety of the unknown.

So the irony in that we both don’t want to know the gender is laughable.

I’m just thankful it’s even possible. I always had a dream of not wanting to know the gender of my child when it came time for me to be a father. But I knew it wasn’t going to be strictly my decision.

My wife, knowing very well our inability to keep secrets, jumped aboard early on. If she knew the gender of our baby and I didn’t, there’s absolutely no way she would be able to hold on to the knowledge.

The gender would have made its way to me one way or another. Whether she caved and told me, or someone to whom she had revealed the secret had a slip of the tongue and informed me by accident, there’s no feasible way I would have gone her entire pregnancy without knowing.

Nevertheless, here we are with less than five weeks before her due date — the end of March — and the reactions we’re getting from others about us not wanting to know the gender is a bit of a double standard.

It seems those I’ve let know of the decision are in favor of it. Either they’ve done the same — for multiple children — or wish they would have. Very few people who’ve asked me what we’re having, when I tell them, “We’re not finding out,” react negatively.

On the other hand, my wife experiences the opposite.

“Isn’t it killing you to not know if it’s a boy or a girl?”

“How do you prepare the nursery, or buy clothes or toys?”

And so on.

It seems her friends and acquaintances don’t support our decision.

Frankly, it’s none of their business.

Preparing the nursery and buying things for the baby has been a piece of cake. We’ve chosen a theme that’ll work for either gender, and we populated our registries with items which are neutral in nature.

Most importantly, it’s been surprisingly easy to not know whether we’re having a boy or a girl (we’ve had names picked out long before we knew we were going to be parents). Of course, we both have our preferences of what we’d want; I’m shooting to be a girl dad and Chrissy wants a mama’s boy.

When our child is born, we don’t care if it’s a boy or a girl. We just know it will be loved all the same.