Daughter is ruling the roost

I’ve never been much of a fan of bullies.

Now I live with one.

It seems my daughter is learning a new word almost daily.

And each time she grows her vocabulary, she becomes obsessed with the latest addition so much that it’s all she says.

But there’s one word that she continues to fall back on, and it’s perhaps the easiest word she’s learned so far.

“No.”

It’s almost becoming laughable, too.

“Hey, time to get ready for school [daycare].”

I get the two-letter response.

“Can I have a hug before bed?”

I get denied.

“Are you hungry?”

You guessed it … I get an emphatic “No.” in reply.

Mostly, though, it’s frustrating.

We’ve developed a bit of a routine in the morning. Chrissy, who leaves a little bit before me, gets herself ready and feeds the animals. She’ll typically pick out our daughter’s outfit for the day, too.

Whichever one of us gets Baby Schanz out of her crib varies from day to day. Same with preparing her breakfast, which usually includes some milk, a banana and some other fruit. (She eats a real breakfast at daycare each day, but we give her just her morning “snack.”)

In addition to prepping my lunchbox for the day — it includes breakfast, lunch and a handful of snacks — I get our daughter ready in the morning. I change her diaper, occasionally multiple times, and get her dressed.

The latter of which has been quite the adventure in recent weeks.

I’ve been fighting with her to get her socks on. She insists on picking her own pair of socks instead of the ones we pick out, even if it takes more than a half dozen for her to come to a decision. She’ll grab a pair, hand it to me and as soon as I try to put them on her feet she pushes them away and greets me with a “No” and the accompanying head shake.

She often denies whichever pair of shoes we pick to go with her outfit too. More often than not, we have to settle for something that doesn’t match.

This back and forth lasts longer than I want it to and sometimes makes me late for work.

She bullies me every morning, and all I am trying to do is get her ready for the day.

Her bullying isn’t directed just at her parents, either.

Our cat Dobby, named after the house-elf from the Harry Potter series, will occasionally sit on the kitchen table or the countertops. If our daughter sees him in either of these two places, and with sass, she’ll yell at him and say, “No. Down,” while giving a downward pointing motion.

Moose, our beloved 13-year-old mutt, gets a slight backhand and a “No” when he gets a little too close to food she may have in her hand.

No living being is immune to her orders, and she’s the one ruling the roost right now.

Sometimes it’s cute, just not when we’re in a hurry or need to be somewhere.

As I said, I’m not too fond of bullies.

But this little dictator can stick around.

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Chris Schanz is a former CR Sports Editor who might need refuge from a less-than-waist-high authoritarian. Send escape plans to [email protected].