Let compassion be default

Everyone has their own reasons for the choices they make. 

Those reasons are shaped by a lifetime of experiences — how they were raised, what they’ve been through, the beliefs they’ve developed about the world and their place in it. It’s easy to make assumptions about why people behave a certain way, but the truth is, we don’t always know the full story. In fact, most of the time, we don’t know even half of it.

One of the most fascinating parts of being human is our curiosity. We love to know things — why animals behave the way they do, what it’s like to live in space, how the brain works. We are naturally drawn to seeking answers. And that’s a beautiful trait — until we turn that curiosity toward the people around us and try to dissect their every move.

The reality is, people don’t explain themselves constantly, nor do we expect them to. Think about it: when someone leaves a party early, they usually just say, “I’m heading out,” and that’s it. They don’t announce, “I’m feeling overwhelmed and emotionally drained, so I need to go home and cry for a bit.” Or when someone asks, “How are you?” most people say, “I’m fine,” even when they’re not. That’s just part of our culture — keeping things private, keeping things moving.

But when someone behaves in a way we don’t understand — maybe they’re distant, distracted, or quiet — we can spiral. Our brains jump to conclusions: “Did I say something wrong?” “Are they upset with me?” “Did I do something to cause this?” And suddenly, we’re not just wondering, we’re worrying. We turn their silence into a mystery we feel responsible to solve.

So here’s my advice to you, especially if you tend to overthink or feel the need to always understand: give people the benefit of the doubt. Make up a kind and reasonable explanation —“maybe they’re tired,” or “maybe something personal is going on.” Sometimes, the healthiest thing you can do is accept that you don’t need to know. You don’t need to have all the answers. People are allowed to have private struggles, and it’s OK if you’re not always let in on them. 

Trust that your friends care about you, and be gentle with yourself when your brain tries to fill in the blanks with worry. Let compassion, not assumption, be your default.