Television habits need renovation

Maybe I’ve been watching too much HGTV, but I’m beginning to worry about the possibility of a future shortage of granite.
All of it seems to be quarried for countertops for overbearing young couples who have attacks of nausea at the very mention of Formica.
It seems only yesterday that Formica — the much-belittled laminate countertop material — was as upscale as you could get.
The kitchen in the house where I grew up had countertops of some sort of linoleum-like material. Around the edges, there was a strip of steel screwed into place.
Sure, it wasn’t the most sanitary surface in the world. Bits of food tended to get caught between the linoleum-like stuff and the metal edge.
But it was a far cry from the wood countertops and Hoosier cabinets my parents had grown up with.
Formica came later, probably in the 1960s, and mushroomed in appeal in the 1970s and ’80s. What was it actually made of? Who knows?
But it was man-made, and it was infinitely easier to keep clean than its predecessor.
And that, for awhile, seemed to be that.
Then solid-surface material like Corian began to show up, and there was no denying that it was vastly more appealing than the Formica had been. It too was man-made, and it’s great stuff. That’s what we put in about 10 years ago when we remodeled our kitchen at home.
But the Corian had barely settled in before it was elbowed out of the top spot by granite, quartz and other top-dollar options.
These days whenever one of those sniffy buyers on House Hunters looks at a kitchen, granite seems to be the only thing on their minds.
Corian’s beautiful and incredibly durable and less expensive, but it’s not granite. Formica’s still the best option on a budget, and it can look surprisingly high-end these days; but it’s not granite.
And granite, it seems, is all that will do in this 21st century version of keeping up with the Joneses.
After all, if those house hunters are asked to make do with something less than granite, the next thing you know they might have to endure the thought of sharing a sink with their spouse or — horrors — a bathroom with their children. You might as well propose that they dwell in a lean-to up against the garage. It’s a sacrifice beyond comprehension in the craziness that is home improvement television.
And so it’s granite.
And every perfectly good bathroom and perfectly acceptable kitchen is soon the target of the dreaded verdict: “Gut job.”
And that’s when I get a pain in the gut.
Time to change the channel.[[In-content Ad]]