Avoid enabling addict’s behavior

To the editor:

There are many facets to drug addiction and prevention.

This letter to the editor is addressing one of the “elephants in the room” — enabling.

Enabling is defined as “removing the natural consequences to the addict of his or her behavior.” Examples of enabling include giving money to an addict, gambler or debtor; repairing common property the addict broke; lying to the addict’s employer to cover up absenteeism; fulfilling the addict’s commitments to others; screening phone calls and making excuses for the addict; or bailing him or her out of jail.

When a baby was learning to walk, they were stood on their feet, took a few steps and fell down, they were picked back up to start all over again. Finally one day, when you let go, they walked by themselves and continued from that day forward. It was only when you let go that they walked alone. Eventually they figure it out by themselves.

By stepping in to “solve” the addict’s problems, the enabler takes away any motivation for the addict to take responsibility for his or her own actions. Without that motivation, there is little reason for the addict to change. Enablers help addicts dig themselves deeper into trouble.

Here are some questions to ask yourself when considering whether you are an enabler:

•Do you often ignore unacceptable behavior?

•Do you find yourself resenting the responsibilities you take on?

•Do you consistently put your own needs and desires aside in order to help someone else?

•Do you have trouble expressing your own emotions?

•Do you ever feel fearful that not doing something will cause a blowup, make the person leave you or even result in violence?

•Do you ever lie to cover for someones mistakes?

•Do you consistently assign blame for problems to other people rather than the one who is really responsible?

•Do you continue to offer help when it is never appreciated or acknowledged?

So how do you break the cycle of enabling? Easier said than done in some instances, but achievable.

If these questions make you think you might be an enabler, it is important that you take action. If the addict you are enabling is in treatment, then you, too, should take part in the process. If the addict is not in treatment, you should explore your own issues, either with a personal counselor or through a counseling or recovery organization.

Locally, contact Jay County Hospital’s behavioral health department (260) 726-1960, Meridian Health Services (765) 288-1928, A Better Life Brianna’s Hope (765) 730-4979, Second Chance (260) 251-8792, your church or others involved in drug addiction prevention/recovery services to aid you in your quest to break this spoke in the wheel of drug addiction.

Don’t help the people you care about dig their own graves.

Nick Miller

Jay County Drug Prevention Coalition