Article on falling is utter nonsense

To the editor:

It is Monday morning. I have bruises on intimate parts of my body and a knot the size of a goose egg on the back of my head. This makes me a little grumpy.

But since my current issues of AARP The Magazine arrived containing another article on “how to fall,” I am a lot grumpier.

I fell Friday (Feb. 2) morning.

I walked out of the beauty shop and two seconds later I was flat on my back. As I lay there waiting for my insides to stop quivering and wondering how many people saw me hit the concrete, I thought I did good. I fell on my bottom, which is very well-padded, and the back of my head that’s hard as a rock.

According to this article, as I was falling I should have been thinking: watch the ankles, don’t break that hip, protect your head.

Actually, I had time for one thought: Whoops!

If I were over 6 feet tall instead of under 5, I might have had time for two “whoops.”

According to the article, if I were tumbling down a mountain I should think, tuck those elbows, watch for that rock, don’t hit that tree. In reality, I think there might be time for one “whoops.”

Are these writers crazy? Too young? Too educated?

Have they never fallen?

I honestly think if I had time to plan my landing I would plan not to fall.

I know there are big, scary, worrisome things going on in the world that I can do nothing about. There is a mega-maniac in North Korea with his finger on the bomb button. There is a micro-maniac in the White House with his finger heaven knows where. And Muncie is building a new jail.

But if you could promise there will be none of these irritating articles in my daily newspaper, it would guarantee one less irritant in my small world.

Thank you,

Joan Ford

Redkey

P.S. — If you have a reader who thinks they might fall in the foreseeable future, is young, has a perfectly tone body and the flexibility of a cat, he should start planning now.