Employ proper bathroom etiquette

There’s a serious concern with spreading COVID-19 at holiday gatherings this year.

Rightfully so.

If cases in Indiana are not under control within the next week, I, too, am considering skipping the multiple Thanksgiving gatherings I planned on attending in my hometown of Indianapolis to do my part to help contain the spread of a virus that is responsible for the deaths of nearly 5,000 Hoosiers, around 250,000 Americans and more than a million internationally.

If that is to be the case and I miss spending the sacred holiday of gorging and watching football with my family, there is one aspect of Thanksgiving gatherings I am fine with missing this year.

Bathrooms.

When breaking bread with members of my extended family, some of those heathens were raised to close the bathroom door after they’re done doing the business.

This creates a ridiculous cycle of having to scope out a latrine to see if anyone is in there. To ascertain the current occupation status of the lavatory, I either have to knock or keep my eyes glued to the bathroom door to see if anyone has entered or exited in the past five minutes or, my least favorite, use my best detective skills of putting my ear to the door to see if I hear anybody in there.

This troublesome cycle could be avoided if we all just agreed to keep our bathroom doors open when they’re not in use, particularly when company is over, to avoid confusion.

It is my understanding, especially when in the home of others, that I should not enter doors that are closed. So when I’m in an unfamiliar bungalow and I don’t know where the bathroom is, I rely on that one open, welcoming door to convey that yes, in fact, the toilet is here and I can have a couple moments of peace here to do what I need to do.

Also, the argument for keeping bathroom doors closed is weak. What, are you trying to contain the smell or something? If your bathroom smells that bad, put some air freshener in there or clean it. If it’s a perpetual problem, it’s probably because whoever is using it has a terrible diet.

Another argument I’ve been pestered with whenever I bring this up at holiday functions is that a house appears more proper, or whatever, if the bathroom door stays closed all the time.

That says a lot if your house’s elegance is somehow muddied by the presence of a bathroom. Bathrooms are often how I judge an establishment and I need to judge it as soon as possible, so if the door stays closed that tells me you’re ashamed of it or you have something to hide.

Bathrooms are often one of the more expensive rooms in a house. So if you put a lot of money into it, show it. I guarantee you’ll receive more compliments if the door stays open (especially if you don’t cheap out on the tissues and put some nice fresh hand towels in there).

This is without even mentioning that a constantly closed bathroom door increases the probability of someone walking in on another poor chap using the toilet. The best way to avoid this situation is to lock the door, of course, but establishing the house as being one that keeps its bathroom door(s) open goes a long way in helping eliminate this.

If you decide to stay home for the holidays, I commend and thank you. But if you decide to travel to what I hope are as-safe-as-possible Thanksgiving functions, I ask you do your part in keeping the bathroom occupation status transparent and safe for all of us. And if you see a door closed and nobody is in it, just open that sucker. It’s for the best.